A Brief History

"Looks like the bitch is fucked. Looks like we're gonna have to unfuck the bitch."

"I'm on a sea food diet. If I see food, I buy it."

"Dave Turn'n'Cough"

"Women love food so much, they hate you when you ain't got none -- ya heard?"

"So I'm married, but I'd really rather not be."

"Italian guys, they have goomatta, but I'm Jewish -- I want a goomatzoh!"

"When I get nervous and sad at the same time, I just start texting!"

"I'll be right back, im looking for a place for me and Geoff to hang out. It's a hang scout."

"No prob. I'll just rip a goog."

"Geoff's Aunt Audrey."

"Paris Faggerty."

"Dave Shit'n'Fart."

"Luc, you look good but you'd look better with a big ol' sac a nuts hangin down between your legs."

"The other day I had some chocolate covered broccoli -- minus the broccoli." - Lucia's fat-ass

"Dave Short'n'Fat."

"What party?"

"Was that your phone or was that your butt?"
"That was my butt-phone."

"Should I tag 'balls' if he doesn't say 'balls' but has balls?"

"Don't yell at me -- it makes me hungry." - Lucia the Hut

"So now it's kinda like a double thing."

"Dave before yesterday."

"total hate snug"

"Do you even have balls? You couldn't knock me up, stupid!" - Tilly

"He went to college" -- Tilly on an audience member of Comic Justice

"What an asshole with nuts hangin out the back." -- Dan Klein on Ben Felton

"Dude, he's got 3 g-chats up for the peepin!"

"Oh my god, you guys -- we've got to help him."

"Not good enough!!!"

"Hey guys....yesterday, my friend Arthur ate 4 Big Macs!"

"I guess this world isn't all barbeques and blow jobs." -- Ben Felton on the tumultuous nature of his year

"Sex is love. So FUCK EVERYTHING!!!"

"Tilly-toes and Gigglepuss!"

"What are you rolling your eyes at? A monkey is way better than some ganky ass yellow face." - Tilly

"I like your dress, where'd you get it?" "Don't worry about it" - L & T